Finding Yourself and Also Maybe that Lost Supersoldier
by Tandirra
Summary: Part of a series. In the aftermath of the DC Incident the search for the wayward Barnes threatens to endanger the stability of the team.
1. Chapter 1

**This is part of a series but you can read it on its own. Although the work that immediately predates this, The Soldier, really should be read as it is referenced directly or not. Really other than that you can skip the rest and still understand.**

* * *

Over the last half year the team had simultaneously grown closer and more disparate. On one hand, half the team, usually anyone who was available and willing, would follow leads on Barnes. Except for Tony, who resolutely refused to help; rarely was he asked in the first place. His pulling away everyone could see but few tried to stop; most figured it was warranted or that he would deal with it and come back around. Much to everyone's annoyance; Barnes remained as elusive as a wanted man with a metal arm could be.

After yet another failed lead that had sent the usual crew of Steve, Natasha, Sam, and Loki to some tiny village in Bangladesh; Loki simmered with anger. "This is ridiculous! He has _one_ realm to hide it. How has he alluded me- us- so successfully?"

Natasha shushed him, though she looked no less annoyed than he. "I expected him to be good, but not this good." She adjusted the shawl around her shoulders and started the trek towards the Quinjet. "Don't worry, Steve." She glanced towards Steve, who lagged behind. "I feel like we're getting closer. There's only so many places he can hide."

Taking a moment to assess their captain, Loki grimaced at what he saw. Steve was trying hard to stay positive but Loki could see his facade beginning to crack. The faster they found Barnes the better, whatever the outcome would be. Loki was starting to have serious doubts about how Roger's old friend could be used against him under the wrong circumstances.

And every group of Hydra stragglers or anyone willing to decode the files released by Natasha had the ability to do just that. Every mission they fought, Loki wondered if that would be the time Steve paid for his vulnerabilities.

Much to Loki's, and the rest of the exhausted group's displeasure, such a possible situation presented itself as they returned to the Quinjet. Clint, their resident pilot for their searches, took in their downtrodden expressions. "No luck, huh?" He paused then swifty held up a tablet displaying a mission log. "So, I got a tip from some of our " _friends_ " in the CIA about a possible Hydra base about a hundred miles from here. While we're in the area we could check it out. The five of us plus Thor, he could probably join us pretty fast, should be a cinch." Clint finished with a shrug and a nod towards Steve.

Steve sighed, all eyes were on him as he contemplated the situation. Finally he spoke. "Sounds good. Did our source get us a building layout or any information on the facility."

Turning back to the cockpit, Clint nodded affirmatively. "Yup. You guys can skim what we know while we fly there. I'm gonna contact some nearby agencies who can clean up after us so we don't have to stay and babysit anyone we take into custody."

As they took off, Clint sent around a thick packet of notes which Loki barely glanced at, skimming through lightly. He passed it around to the rest of the group, all of who appeared to do the same thing. Not long after take off a thump sounded from above their heads. "That would be Thor."

The blonde Asgardian hopped into the hold as the back of the jet briefly opened. He appeared slightly windblown but greeted them with his usual level of enthusiasm."Fine night for such a brawl, no?"

"Brother, I am inclined to believe that any time of day is a good time for a fight when you are involved." Loki motioned towards the seat next to him as he spoke.

Thor took his seat but shook his head. "You are not entirely mistaken but, nay, if it is a battle I cannot put my heart behind than I would rather not. Speaking of-" Thor turned to the rest of the team. "Bruce and Tony send their regards and wish us the best of luck.

Sighing, Loki closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cool metal walls of the hold. "Well, there will be no luck needed if we have a plan. Rogers?" Without looking at Steve, Loki questioned him.

After a short pause, Steve replied. "I'm working on it."

By the time they reached the facility a plan had been formulated. They were high above the remote lab; Clint circled it as they prepared for the initial assault.

Thor jostled Loki's shoulder lightly as the two of them prepared for the drop order. "Remember in Alfheim? When we broke up that raider group by jumping right into the middle of them?"

Nodding, Loki grinned. "Ah… Yes, if I recall; Sif very nearly broke her leg upon landing. That was, perhaps, a fraction too reckless." He laughed shortly. "Good thing we promised Father to _never_ do something like that again."

The jet dipped steeply before leveling out; it's back opened and wind howled into the hold.

Yelling above the noise, Steve motioned towards them as he double checked his parachute. "Now's the time!"

The two of them nodded and stepped towards the edge. The facility, now much closer, sprawled beneath them. The wind tugged at Loki's hair. With a look at Thor; the two of them leapt from the jet.

They fell fast and the facility rushed towards them. Halfway down, Thor grabbed Loki by the shoulder and slowed their fall with Mjolnir. They hit the ground quick but light and the Hydra agents around them yelled out in surprise as a blur of green and red felled their compatriots within moments.

Loki heard Thor laugh as the two of them worked their way through the courtyard they had landed in. Dagger in hand, he cut down agent after agent. Mjolnir flew past his head, taking out one of the agents as they attempted to run for an alarm.

It wasn't until they had cleared at least half the courtyard that the agents left standing got their bearings enough to fire upon the two of them. As the first bullets pelted their armor, Loki threw up a quick light shield. The gunfire seemed to draw the attention of the rest of the compound as soon after a shrieking alarm began to blare. Loki called out to Thor as they moved back to back. "It seems they've finally caught on!"

"Aye!" He heard Thor shout. "Any moment now-"

A hail of bullets from above cut Thor off and momentarily silenced the courtyard. Any agents that had been remaining dropped to the ground. Loki looked up to greet Steve, Natasha, and Sam; all of whom landed lightly on the grass. The two without wings began to unhook their chutes. Loki dispelled the protective bubble and grinned at them. "You nearly missed all of the excitement."

Natasha returned his grin. "Can't let you two have too much fun."

The blaring alarm continued as the five of them split into groups, cornering off sections of the compound. Loki and Sam stalked through the thin, humid corridors. Distant sounds of gunfire and shouting echoed eerily around them. They traveled in silence for a few minutes before finally encountering more agents.

The hallway opened into a wide room cluttered with desks and files. Hydra agents rushed around, emptying cabinets. The alarm blared ear-piercingly loud.

Looking to Sam, Loki whispered under his breath. "Stay here, I have an idea."

Sam arched an eyebrow but nodded and knelt down, raising his weapon.

Loki slipped into the room, unnoticed in the havoc and noise. It wasn't until he reached nearly the center of the room that one of the agents noticed him. Before the man could so much as cry out; Loki grabbed him and leapt onto a desk, holding a dagger to his throat. Shouting, Loki drew the attention of everyone in the room. "Surrender or I shall strike you down!"

The room froze almost instantly and fell deathly silent. Loki saw some of the agents glance towards the exit to the hallway, where Sam now stood in full view, gun drawn. Then one of the agents closer to Loki pulled out a pistol and fired. Loki let his captive take the shots and pierced the offending agent through the throat with a thrown dagger. The room fell quiet again as Loki stood up straight, dropping the now dead hostage agent to the ground.

The rest of the room dropped to their knees, hands above their heads.

Smiling, Loki relaxed. "Good choice." With a quick spell he downed everyone in the room, knocking them unconcious. Hopping off the desk, Loki began to skim through some of the files and papers scattered about; stepping over unconscious bodies as he did.

Most of the papers were old S.H.I.E.L.D. files. Few of them interested him; most were easily decipherable in public knowledge now. He recognized files on himself and the rest of the team and tore them up with a snarl. The papers did nothing but remind him how exposed he had become; what Natasha had done was necessary but not preferable.

Sam walked over to him, stepping over or on the unconscious agents. "That went surprisingly well. I contacted the others, they're in the middle of cleaning out their sections."

"I hope those government officials Barton mentioned are inbound because I am not watching over these goons for longer than I must."

"Yeah, he said they're about ten or so minutes out."

Satisfied, Loki continued with his readings. He noticed a small map in the corner of the room and strode over to it. Pins dotted its surface. Picking up the files next to it, he recognized Barnes's grainy picture. Glancing back at Sam, who was busy handcuffing unconscious agents, Loki quietly flipped through the folder. He recognized most of the information from the team's own digging. Setting down the file, he turned his attention back to the map. Most of the pins were places Loki recognized as places they had already investigated but a few of them were new. After a moment of contemplation, flicking his eyes over the small writing next to each pin; clearly written in a different language but what were certainly addresses, he rolled the map up and tucked it into his armor.

 **00000**

Tony poured himself more coffee and shuffled back to his seat. Installing a coffee maker in his studio was the best idea he ever had. He took a long sip and laid his head among the scraps of metal around him, waiting for the drink to kick in.

There was a sudden shuffling behind him; he tiredly assessed the likelihood of an assassin appearing in the tower. He didn't move.

"How long have you been awake?" Loki strode up, his voice smug.

Glaring at him weakly, Tony lifted his head from his scrap metal pillow. "One time you were awake for literally a whole week you have no dog in this fight, pal."

Loki waved a dismissive hand, smirking as he pulled up a stool. "I am _a god_ , I can do that."

"You passed out on the couch during movie night and the popcorn went everywhere." Tony saw Loki blush slightly and dip his head.

"Point made. Nevertheless, you should sleep. I can't have you dying on me from sleep exhaustion; your life is already short enough as is."

Picking up a half made repulsor, Tony shook it blearily at Loki. "Love reminders of my encroaching death, really does wonders on my self esteem. Anyway, I'm working on something.. It's important."

With a doubtful look, Loki picked up one of the small pieces of scrap metal littering the table. "It will not be if you accidentally blow your hand off."

"I'm- I won't do that. Put that down, I need it." Frowning, Tony pointed at the small piece of scrap in Loki's hand.

Grinning, the god stood, still fiddling with the scrap. "Only if you promise to go to bed."

"I am not playing this game with you, asshole! Put it down." Standing, Tony wobbled slightly as he pulled away from his desk.

"Ah yes, you made a very compelling argument as to why I should do that." Smugly, Loki held his hand up in a fist, far out of Tony's reach.

"I swear I'll kick you and it _will hurt_."

"Go to bed, Anthony."

Glaring at Loki, Tony sighed heavily. "Fine… fine. You win."

Loki hesitated, squinting at him doubtfully. "Do I, really? I do not think I have _ever_ won an argument with you that quickly."

" _Ugh_ , don't get used to that; just get out of my hair. And put that thing down!" Exasperated, Tony threw his hands up.

"No need to be dramatic." Loki smirked at Tony's annoyed exclamation. He dropped the metal and winked. "Goodnight, Tony." The god disappeared from Tony's workshop.

Rolling his eyes, Tony picked up the scrap metal from the floor. It had been bent into the shape a very small bird. After staring at it for a few moments, Tony sighed and pocketed it. Giving a look back towards his workspace, Tony shuffled towards the elevator. "Turn the lights off behind me, Jarvis, I'm heading to bed."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

 **AN: It's finals season and I'm very tired (which is my excuse for the title of this) but this story is finished and I will be updating it every two days around noon. Would like to hear feedback, always encouraging.**


	2. Chapter 2

The addresses on the map haunted the recesses of Loki's mind for the next few days. He knew Steve would want to know about them but every failure took its toll and every multi-man mission took excruciatingly long to plan. The knowledge that he could check the leads far more efficiently than a team of them could was well aware to him. And should the locations turn out useless he could avoid any deeper emotional toil.

And yet, Barnes _was_ dangerous. Perhaps less so to Loki now that he was in prime health again, but the soldier had left his impression rather memorably.

Loki's hand crept towards his left eye involuntarily.

But if Steve was right in thinking that Barnes had shook off at least some of his programming in that helicarrier, then perhaps he would lack the viciousness previously possessed as the Soldier. That was, at least, Loki's hope.

There were three cities on the map they had yet to visit. One in southern Poland, another in South Africa, and the last in Romania. The Polish and Romanian leads were his first stops. Their relative closeness would make searching the cities a far quicker venture. He could be gone for only a day or two and be able to cross them both off. And he knew of a very reliable weak point in the barrier between realms in Poland that could prove invaluable.

It would raise no real suspicion for him to disappear for a handful of days. The team had clearly resigned themselves to his excursions after the D.C. incident.

Odds stacked in his favor, Loki slipped out of the tower one morning when it was still dark. Using a passage between realms to slip into Vanaheim he then traveled quickly to the spot that would take him back to Midgard and closer to his goal.

The warmth of a sunny Vanaheim day melded into the cool late morning air of the Polish countryside. It took him about an hour of travel to reach the small town designated on the map. Before he entered the town he took a moment to morph his features to avoid recognition by Barnes if he was indeed hiding in the town. The size of the village was a boon as any suspicious individuals would make an imprint on the minds of the locals; though he knew that he was included on that list. Perusing shops and restaurants, he questioned residents about any strange visitors in the last few months. Much to his annoyance, nothing surfaced and he wasted almost the entire the day searching fruitlessly.

Weary and frustrated, Loki abandoned the town and began to travel to the Romanian city. It took him far longer than he would have liked to reach his second target and by the time he did it was late into the night. This time deciding to take a female guise; he rented a room in a dimly lit motel. Tiredly charming the owner with whispered promises he had no intention of keeping, he earned a free room.

Loki locked the flimsy door behind him and released his glamour, returning to his usual look. Groaning, he collapsed onto the small bed in the room, which creaked under his weight. His sleep was short and restless.

When he awoke in the morning he took the same glamour as the night before and left the keys in his room, avoiding the motel owner entirely. He followed the route he had planned long beforehand, stopping briefly at small shops, asking probing questions but getting no answers.

The streets began to fill as the morning moved on. Growing more irritable by the minute, Loki forced himself to take a break; stopping by a small market place to sit and contemplate just what he was doing.

An older, greying man in a clean cut suit strode up to him almost immediately; a slim, practically predatory grin on his face. He leaned in close to Loki, placing a large hand on Loki's currently slim wrist. He spoke in an American accent. "You speak english, yeah? You a tourist?"

Loki thought how easy it would be to break the man's fingers but contented himself with pulling his hand from the man's grip. "I have no interest in…" Loki trailed off as he focused in on a tall hooded figure behind the man, barely visible in the crowd.

The man blocked Loki's view as he moved to try and make eye contact. "You do! Where you from; what accent was that?" He appeared oblivious to Loki's growing frustration.

Standing abruptly, Loki saw Barnes again, sure of his identity this time. Before Loki could do anything about his target, however, he needed to get rid of the leech grinning at him.

Said leech grabbed Loki's wrist but recoiled briefly as Loki's loose sleeve fell back and exposed a nasty scar on Loki's right forearm.

Quickly assessing the businessman; Loki ignored the look and snatched a pen from the man's front pocket and jotted down a fake number onto a napkin. Leaning in close to the man, Loki slipped the fake number into the man's front pocket and with his other hand, slipped the wallet out from the man's pants pocket. "My number. Call me some other time, handsome."

Leaving the man dazed behind him with a scowl, Loki shook his sleeve down again and pocketed the man's wallet. Moving quickly through the crowd, he stopped briefly to buy a cup of coffee with the stolen money. Slowing his pace, Loki inspected his target and sent a concise text to Steve containing his coordinates and the word: " _Barnes_."

Up close there was no mistaking Barnes. He was wearing a hoodie and hat but his features were distinctive. Barnes was leaning over one of the stalls, gazing at some of the goods on display. There was a softness in his face that had certainly been absent the last time Loki had seen him.

As Barnes moved away, Loki intercepted him. The two of them collided hard. Currently shorter, Loki allowed himself to be knocked to the ground, coffee spilling onto his clothes and stinging his skin.

Barnes froze for a moment, panic in his eyes. The moment passed and he bent down, apologizing profusely in Romanian. "Oh, sorry! I am so sorry, ma'am!" He stammered and his hands hesitated over Loki uncertainly.

Taking initiative, Loki took Barnes's hand and pulled himself up. There was an unmistakable metal hardness underneath the his glove covered hand. As they touched, Loki placed a quick tracking spell on him. Loki shook his head, relying on Allspeak to translate to Romanian. "No, no. I am fine."

A beat of silence passed between them before Barnes pulled his hand back, dipping his hat over his face. He mumbled just loud enough for Loki to hear. "I should…" He paused as he fished in his jacket. He pulled out a small amount of money and held it out. "For the coffee and the mess." With a slight smile he nodded towards Loki's coffee stained blouse.

"...Thank you." Loki cocked his head quizzically but took the offered money with a bright smile. He pocketed the money and heard Barnes suck in a sharp breath. Glancing up, Loki followed Barnes's gaze to the healed gash on his own arm. Shaking down his sleeve, silently cursing himself, Loki laughed slightly.

The two of them met eyes for a fraction of a second and Loki saw caution that had not been there before. Quickly apologizing, Barnes ducked his head again. "Sorry. I-"

"Do not apologize. Thank you for the repayment." Stepping back, Loki gave Barnes a chance to disengage, which he immediately did.

Watching Barnes disappear into the crowd, Loki stewed. He had spooked Barnes. Steve needed to get here now before their target disappeared again. The tracking spell would only last so long and its distance wasn't great. He checked his phone again. There were at least five missed calls from Steve.

Slipping into a back alley and letting his glamour fall away, he called back.

Steve picked up almost immediately. "Loki! You found him-"

"Yes. And you need to get here now before he scurries off again. Get Thor."

Voice clearly wavering, Steve's reply was hesitant. "Did you- was he-"

"I spoke to him. You may have some luck; the most drastic thing he did was try and buy me coffee."

 **00000**

Shuddering, Steve struggled to put one foot in front of the other as he ascended the staircase. Loki and Thor were only a few steps ahead of him; Steve thought he saw them speaking but couldn't hear their conversation.

Bucky was up there, closer than he's been in months. There was a nauseous feeling in Steve's gut that built with every step climbed.

It seemed like ages before Loki signaled for them to stop. The two gods moved back, standing on either side of the door like sentinels. Steve hesitated, his hand hovering over the doorknob. His mouth was dry.

With a push of will he spoke, calling out to the apartment's occupant. " _Bucky_ , it's me. It's Steve." There was no answer from inside. He tried the doorknob and to his surprise, it opened. Stepping inside, his pulse quickened as he saw Bucky; who was staring at him cautiously from across the room.

For a moment they were silent, Steve couldn't force words. The world seemed to shift unsteadily beneath him as he took a few tentative steps.

Bucky was there; disheveled hair, dirty clothes, but he was unmistakable.

It was Bucky who spoke first, voice rough and resigned. "It was that girl, wasn't it?"

Attempting to shake off his mutism, Steve choked out words. "You… do you know who I am?"

Bucky hesitated, glancing around the room. Steve did so too, though he was loath to take his eyes off Buck. Newspapers littered the walls, he recognized himself in a slew of them. The rest of the apartment was dingy, sparse, and dirty. Steve's chest was tight as he looked at Bucky again.

"I read about you." His friend couldn't meet his eye.

Recoiling slightly, Steve shook his head and stepped further into the room, leaving the entryway. "No. No, _more than that_. You pulled me from that river. You _know_ who I am _._ " His voice cracked.

"I… why are you here?"

Steve stared, he had trouble speaking again. His chest ached. "To… to help you. To take you _home_ , to New York… Buck…"

Again, Bucky couldn't meet his eye. "The things I did… People will want me dead."

From behind Steve, Loki spoke up; his voice jarred Steve out of his tunnel vision and he turned to look. "I loathe to ruin the blossoming moment but… people will get over it." The Trickster strode into the room, ignoring how Bucky jumped back slightly as he did. "You do something bad, then you do something good. And then they shut their mouths in front of you. That's my experience."

Steve glanced from Loki's grin back to Bucky, who continued to stare at the dark haired god, obviously bewildered. "This is-"

Loki cut him off. "We've already met." He rolled back his sleeve, exposing a thick scar. There was realization on Bucky's face but confusion immediately overtook it. Loki continued his casual talk. "Then there was that time you took my eye out too but… I won't hold it against you."

"I-you… _what?_ " Bucky seemed to be reeling from the interaction. He jumped back again as Thor entered the room behind his dark haired brother.

Steve stepped in, trying to sound as calm as possible, he took a second to glare at the pair. "It's a lot, I know. The world has changed. But, Bucky, I need you to come with me. I can explain everything. I can help you."

The room fell silent. Even Loki, who still appeared all too casual, said nothing.

All eyes were on Bucky, who grit his teeth and looked down. His hands clenched as the silence drew on. With a deep breath, Bucky finally looked up and locked eyes with Steve. "I don't think I deserve that…" He glanced behind Steve to the pair of gods. "But you… seem to think so."

"I can't leave you again, Buck." Steve soaked in Bucky's doubtful frown; it terrified him. He felt helpless, never had he expected Bucky to even think about saying no. Losing Bucky again, he couldn't even begin to entertain the idea. Not now, not ever again.

Still frowning, Bucky ran a hand through his hair. "F-fine. I'll come with you."

Steve sighed in relief. Every part of him wanted to approach Bucky but the sick feeling in his stomach lingered as he looked at his weary, spooked friend. Something small in the back of his mind wondered if anything was left of their past. He smothered the idea as he smiled at Bucky.

* * *

 **AN: Here it is. Also, I forgot to mention, while writing this I wrote a small 2000 word oneshot which I posted on Ao3. I use the same username; read it if you want. If I do more oneshots I might just put them there. Comments of this chapter or that story are always welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

Per Steve's request, they were to leave via Quinjet; which meant an uncomfortable period of wait Loki did not appreciate. Clint had promised to make it quick but time seemed to drag on eternally in the drab apartment.

As they waited, Loki took it upon himself to speak to Barnes. Steve seemed to have frozen up and had scarcely spoken a word after Barnes's agreement and there was only so long he could take the stuffy silence. Striding up to Barnes, who had been silently gathering bits and trinkets since he had agreed to go, Loki made his presence known with a short cough.

Barnes looked up, there was curiosity in his dark eyes. "You. How'd you do that?"

"I need specifics. I do a great deal of things." Loki smirked, delighting at the bluntness of the question. If this was how the Midgardian was to approach things perhaps Loki could make this work.

Seeming briefly surprised by Loki's casual tone, Barnes frowned. Though Loki saw his shoulders relax ever so slightly. "You were the woman."

"Indeed." Loki watched Barnes look him over doubtfully. He could feel Steve's gaze on his back as well. "I assume you are curious as to how?"

Barnes nodded, giving up what he was doing entirely and devoting his full attention to Loki. "I know you're… not from Earth, you or him." He jerked his head towards Thor, who was busy reading some of the newspapers stuck to the wall.

"Oh good, I do not have to explain that part. To put it simply, I work a series of incredibly complex algorithms in a very short span of time and that allows me to enact my will as I please. Or as you could call it: magic."

" _Magic_." Barnes sighed. "Magic aliens… alright. That might top the list of weird things that I've learned."

Glancing over to Thor, Loki smirked. "Or you could call it science. Some Midgardians like that better." He got no response from Barnes, who appeared to be busying himself packing.

As Barnes fell quiet again, obviously done talking for the time being, Loki took his cue to move away and back towards his brother. When he did he saw Steve fix him with a cautious look.

The way Steve acted around Barnes did not inspire confidence in Loki. Before Barnes had been found, Loki had held out hopes that Steve could see his old friend as is. But the pained plea Steve had given and the way he looked at Barnes had dashed that hope. It was clear that Steve had staked his heart into getting his friend back to something recognizable. It was a noble idea, one that Loki should have predicted. But no matter how Steve would try, Loki knew Barnes could never really be the way Steve wanted.

Some changes no one can come back from, truly. He knew that well enough.

Loki glanced to his brother, then to Steve. With a scowl, he resigned himself to the difficulty that lay ahead.

A firm hand on his shoulder jolted him from his stormy thoughts and Loki looked to Thor, who gave him a strained smile. Returning the smile, Loki let some of the tension drop from his posture.

 **00000**

Jarvis's voice roused Tony from his concentration. "Sir, the Quinjet has returned."

"I couldn't care less." Tony snapped. He tried to focus back in on his readings, something about some technological feats by some twenty-somethings. But the words, he couldn't seem to focus on them. There was a sick feeling in his stomach; one that had been there since he had retreated to his room hours ago after Clint left. He closed his eyes, attempting to shake the feeling.

He saw his father, his mother.

Tony's eyes snapped open and he let out a hissing breath. He shifted in his seat and, again, tried to focus on the article. The words had no meaning to him.

His stomach turned itself inside out.

There was a half finished bottle of liquor on his desk. He considered if that would fix it.

A voice spoke from behind him. "How long could it possibly take you to read one page?" It was Loki's voice.

Tony jumped and spun. The Trickster leaned against a bookshelf, his green eyes glittering. Tony scowled. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not that long."

"You do know it's creepy to watch someone like that?" Tony stood, setting down the fruitless read. He did not approach the god; his head joined his stomach in aching protest.

"I specialize in that." Loki walked towards him. At first glance he looked as relaxed as ever but Tony saw the rigidness of his features, how his smile didn't reach his eyes, how tight his shoulders were. The god's eyes did not leave Tony's. "It's good to see you." There was an unspoken "sober" Tony knew was missing from the end of that statement.

"Is it?" His words felt like bile, he couldn't stop his bitter tone. The longer he looked at Loki the sicker he felt.

Loki seemed unphased. "Very much so." He lingered a few paces from Tony and his voice grew soft as he spoke again. "Tony, perhaps you should-"

"Don't." Tony turned away, ill. He closed his eyes; he saw his parents again. Taking a shuddering breath he forced himself to keep his back to Loki.

There was something impossibly tender about Loki's voice. Tony couldn't remember the last time he had heard Loki sound like that. "I cannot apologize. You knew this day would come. I merely did as I said I would."

"Why- why did you have to be the one, though? Why couldn't you let someone else find- find _him_?" Tony glared at the ground, he turned but couldn't bring himself to look at Loki. He saw Loki's boots inch closer to him and snapped. " _Don't_."

His words stopped Loki's approach instantly. When the god spoke his voice was barely audible. "Perhaps you should call Pepper."

His stomach ached, the room spun. For a brief moment he was able to look Loki in the face again. There was something raw about the god's expression, sorrow clear in his eyes. Tony couldn't hold his gaze and glared at his chest. " _Go to Hell_." He turned again, wishing to be as far from Loki as he could.

There was no response and when he finally looked back Loki was gone.

Tony sat alone, nauseous, in silence. It wasn't long before his phone was ringing. He didn't pick up.

Pepper left a voicemail, her tone similarly soft as Loki's had been. "Tony, I'm going to fly up there tonight. I won't be able to stay more than a day but I want to at least talk to you in person. Don't do… anything stupid without me there. Okay, Tony? I'll talk to you soon."

 **00000**

Appearing in his room, Loki took a moment to attempt to compose himself.

He expected Tony to be angry, Tony had every right to be. But Loki had not expected it to strike him so deeply. Loki had, in Tony's mind, betrayed something between them. A small part of him leapt to blame others; blame Tony for overreacting, blame Steve for wanting Barnes back, blame Barnes for killing the Starks.

Clenching a fist, Loki heard something shatter as it was thrown across the room.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed down the desire to lay blame. It got him nothing but heartache in the past and it would do the same now. Yet there were so few foreseeable options out of this mess that did not end poorly.

Steve would be of no help; he would not be able to talk to Tony either. The was to fix this was through Barnes. But Loki doubted Barnes's ability to say anything that could help yet, he was simply too far removed from what was happening amongst the rest of the team.

"If I get through to Barnes I can use him to defuse both of them before this explodes in everyone's faces." Loki smiled tiredly, the idea sounded so simple. He quietly congratulated himself for making his impression on Barnes. That would likely be invaluable. He had, at the very least, left the door open for Barnes to see him as a confidant; it had been clear Barnes appreciated how unintimidated Loki had appeared in speaking with him. Loki could only hope that interaction plus natural curiosity would be enough to draw the Midgardian in.

But even if he got into Barnes's head, Loki would need Tony to talk to him again. Hopefully Pepper would help him with that but he wasn't sure even she could convince Tony to speak to him again anytime soon.

Something ached deep in Loki's chest as he stared out at the city.

Tony needed time to simmer but Loki needed to fix what he'd broken before it was too late. Driving Tony further away was currently his greatest worry.

Laughing slightly, Loki murmured into his empty room. "By some strange twist of fate _I_ am the one trying to keep them from falling into chaos." How he was supposed to do that alone, however, he knew not.

Remembering Thor's expression in Barnes's apartment, Loki realized perhaps he wouldn't have to. He was not the only one this situation felt eerily similar to, after all.

* * *

 **AN: Shorter chapter! I'm keeping on schedule.**


	4. Chapter 4

The next week was an exhausting one. The stress of Barnes's arrival took its tole on each individual distinctly. Conversations took place in hushed tones and often stopped abruptly, Clint was never seen without coffee, Steve would disappear for hours at a time, Tony hadn't talked to Loki since his outburst, and Loki spoke more now to Thor than he had in decades.

It was during one of those sessions that Loki received a sharp knock on the door. In shared surprise he and Thor hesitated, looking at each other. The knock sounded again and Thor shrugged. Curious and hopeful, Loki rose and opened the door.

Barnes stood on the threshold of Loki's room, looking vaguely uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms. "Uh… hi."

Pleased but sure not to show it, Loki purposefully hesitated in his response. "... Hello?"

From behind Loki, Thor raised his voice cheerfully. "Oh! It is good to see you out of your quarters!"

Nodding, Barnes looked back to Loki. "Can I… come in?"

"Yes, please do." Loki moved aside, gazing intently at the Midgardian. He closed the door behind them and motioned towards the kettle of tea that had been separating Thor and him. "Would you like some? I believe it is still warm."

As Loki spoke; Thor stood and offered his chair to Barnes, who looked baffled by their actions. "Umm- thank you." He accepted the tea Loki handed him but did not drink it, instead peering at its contents. "What is this? Where's it from?"

Loki grinned. "Vanaheim." He elaborated as expected confusion flickered across Barnes's face. "One of the nine realms. It is good and, I assure you, not poison; drink it."

Almost robotically, Barnes complied with Loki's order. Feeling a twinge of doubt, Loki sat so that he no longer dominated over the Midgardian. Taking Loki's lead, Thor pulled up another chair and sat between them.

For a moment they sat in silence, Loki watching Barnes. The Midgardian stared down at the waves in the table's wood grain, periodically sipping from his drink, holding the fragile cup with delicacy. The metal of his left hand glinted in the sun. Unbidden, Loki's mind leapt to the memory of that hand plunging towards his eye. Wincing, Loki shook the memory away.

It was Thor who broke the silence, clearly trying to prompt Barnes. His voice was warm. "I believe this may be our first _formal_ introduction." Thor held out his hand but frowned as Barnes didn't look up or shake it. He continued, though, undeterred. "I have heard much of your feats of strength and I am very glad to have you joining us. Such formidable prowess is something to be appreciated."

This did prompt a response from Barnes, who grimaced and looked up. There was guilt in his eyes.

Loki cut in before he could speak. "Do not read too deeply into that. He means what he says in the most positive of ways. Asgard values strength in its warriors over anything else." Glancing at Thor, Loki smirked. "In the past I have literally and figuratively stabbed him in the back; yet he still accepts drinks from me as if there was no chance I would poison him. If you are looking for an optimist, my dearest brother is your finest shot."

Barnes looked at them quizzically. "How are you two so nonchalant about that?"

Exchanging a small smile with Thor; Loki leaned forward on the table, tapping his fingers rhythmically against the dark wood. "I am not sure how knowledgeable you may be on this topic but… Thor and I, unless felled by an outside force, shall live and have lived far longer than any of you." Laughing dryly, Loki focused on Barnes. "Even when I hated him with all my being and refused to be considered his brother, which I did, I was aware of our past. He may not have been the one to change my mind but I have to admit his presence is a boon." Loki saw Thor smiling on the edge of his vision and rolled his eyes. "That does not mean I will not change my mind in the future if I get bored of him or this toxic amalgamation of damaged fools that like to masquerade themselves as cohesive whole." His snappy remark did as he desired and he saw Thor grimace.

Barnes, too, seemed alarmed as he set down his cup and cocked his head. "I can't tell if you're joking or…"

With a quick grin, Loki leaned backwards. It was obvious to him Barnes was far more comfortable talking about them than himself. He stored the information away, quietly doubting how successful Steve had been in helping the man. "That remains to be seen, I suppose." Swirling the dregs of his tea around, Loki quickly changed the subject in an attempt to keep Barnes engaged. "Anyway, I must admit that you are far more entertaining to surprise than Wilson. Short of blowing myself up he seems determined not to indulge me. It is almost as if he's averse to inflating my ego."

Over the next few weeks, Barnes's presence in their chats became more and more the norm. He seemed enthralled by their stories and, Loki guessed, he appreciated how little they asked of him in return. In their conversations Loki was sure never to stray too dark and he was always aware of what he said as to not frighten Barnes off.

They were in the middle of a tale about one of their more perilous hunts. Thor had leapt up and was miming his attacks. "The beast had clasp me in its jaws, my weapon was shattered, as this was before I had Mjolnir, and my companions were gravely injured! I struggled fruitlessly against its maw. Its ragged teeth tore at my hands and legs. Its breath was a nightmarish thing, even as I fought it gagged me and burned at my eyes. My chances looked dire! And then-" Thor glanced gleefully at Loki, who smiled and nodded. "And then the beast froze. I saw its terrible maw glittering with light. At first I thought my vision was failing me. Then a deafening whine rose from its throat with another blast of noxious breath. Moments later I was blinded by a flash of light and I felt myself falling. When I got my bearings I saw that the beast's head had been torn asunder. And standing amidst the gore was Loki." Thor finished with a flourish.

Rolling his eyes, Loki grinned. "The smell was horrendous; it clung to me for weeks afterwards. But you forget the part where I promptly passed out immediately afterwards; _not_ due to the smell, but the spell."

Waving a dismissive hand, Thor shushed him. "No matter, you still felled the beast. And that was the first time I realized just how powerful your magic could really be."

Loki scoffed and shook his head. He looked to Barnes, who had a small smile on his face. "Do not be fooled, Barnes; I received none of this enthusiasm at the time. Either I was being scolded for foolishly working magic I had yet to perfect or I had the Warriors Three denying the legitimacy of my kill."

Shaking his head, Barnes cleared his throat. "Sounds pretty damn legitimate to me." His eyes grew distant and when he next spoke he sounded wistful. "That reminds me of this time in France… I think it was Dugan who-"

An alarm interrupted Barnes and Loki scarcely contained his frustration. They were so close to getting real progress.

Steve's voice spoke on the overhead. "There's been an… incident. Apparently some government agents tried to take down a Hydra defense stronghold in Oregon and got themselves captured. We've been requested to be brought in to clean up the situation. Everyone meet in the Quinjet bay."

The call went dead and Loki sighed. "Because what I want to do with my evening is rescue a bunch of incompetent fools." He stood and flicked his wrist, his armor shimmered into place around him. Realizing Barnes had yet to be with them when they had been called to a mission, Loki glanced at him. "Perhaps… it may be best for you to stay here in the tower."

Barnes seemed unsure as he stood. "I feel like I should help-"

"I would strongly advise against that. At least at the present moment." Loki cut him off; Tony's harsh condemnation ringing clear in his head.

Looking startled by Loki's quick denial, Barnes recoiled slightly. He hesitated in speaking. "It's not- I have gear that I brought with me." Something hardened in his eyes. "It's Hydra, I have a personal responsibility to-"

Thoroughly irritated, Loki lowered his voice. "Not this mission. For one reason, we have not told your government that we have found you. But, even without that, it would be a _very bad idea_." Loki could see Thor inching closer to him out of the corner of his eye.

His rebuke seemed to shake Barnes slightly but the hardness in his gaze stayed. "I have every right to help take down what's left of Hydra. Hell, I have an obligation to. Wasn't it you that said doing something good will help people forget the bad?"

Loki scowled, everything Tony had said to him repeated in his mind. He felt Thor's hand press against his back, urging him to move. "Right now there is too much bad for you to erase it that simply. Know who's tower you stand in."

The hardness in Barnes's eyes shattered and he looked down. He grimaced, seeming to collapse in on himself momentarily. "I-right." Turning away from them, Barnes moved quickly to the door. He spoke in barely a mumble as he exited. "... Good luck."

Thor sighed, crossing his arms. "That may not have been the best way to go about that, brother."

Glaring at the ground, Loki snapped at him. "Thank you for your stunning insight, I could never have told otherwise." Still fuming, Loki felt Thor pat him on the shoulder.


End file.
